Now Playing, So Don't Go
by ToonGuy
Summary: The Knapford Players proudly present Peter Pan! Yes, all your favorites are here in this fun production of the classic Barrie play. To be held in the Knapford theater, and please, no complaints about injuries sustained. What could possibly go wrong? (Humanized Thomas story. Don't go!)
1. Chapter 1: Introductions and Ignorance

The Knapford Theater was a tall building, about as tall as Buckingham Palace. It had also seen better days. The red seats, once as soft as the velvet they were made on, now had chunks missing and areas where the material had become much harder and colder. The red had run from those seats, making them look brown and faded. The stage was relatively well kept, save for certain sections of it that appeared to have been sellotaped and marked 'Do Not Stand Here, Ever' on them. The curtains were torn and rather roughly patched up, the fire escape didn't work properly and the lights needed a hour to come on to the full effect.

Unfortunately for the people sitting there, this was the only theater that they could reach without having to rent a taxi or find a car that actually worked. So there they were, sitting down in a attempt to find some form of comfort. Nearly everyone wore the black trousers with the Knapford logo on them, mainly because that was the only way the guards would let them in.

The doors to the actual theater were closed by a woman wearing a yellow dress and with bright blonde hair. "I think that's everyone, Edward!"

"Thanks Molly!" Edward, a tall man dressed entirely in blue, sat down on the edge of the stage. "All right, morning everyone!"

A dull chorus of "Mornings." and "Hiya's" and "Whatever's" filled the air.

"Glad to see you're in such fine spirits." deadpanned Edward. He looked down at his tick-sheet. "All right then. Now, respond if you're here. Thomas?"

"Here!" called a shorter man. He wore a blue T-Shirt with the words 'Number 1 and Proud', and the way his trousers were pulled up seemed to give off the impression that he was trying to be cool.

"Henry, Gordon, James."

"Here Eddie!"

"Don't call me that."

The three men at the stage laughed. Henry was a thickset man wearing a green jacket, currently holding a tissue to his nose in case some of his allergies came up, which was quite frequent since Henry appeared to be allergic to everything. James, currently preening to a very bored looking camera man dressed in a dark musty red, was practically glittering with red sequins adorning his T-Shirt. And in the middle, Gordon, big and proud of it, finished drinking the latest of his energy drinks, taking care to wipe away any of the stray drops that had fallen on his blue shirt.

Edward sighed. "Dear god." He muttered something under his breath that was definitely not child friendly, and glanced around. "Percy?"

"Here! I think!" Percy, a even smaller man that Thomas, frowned in a thoughtful way. "Am I here, are any of us...really here?"

"Has he taken his medicine!?"

"Och! We tried laddie!" said one of two figures dressed entirely in black. They resembled gangsters, if said gangsters had no mirror and therefore no way to tell if their faces looked as threatening as their clothes. "But the wee man got the slip of us!"

"Oh great, thanks Donald!"

"I'm Douglas! He's Donald!" Douglas pointed to his twin.

"Hey, this is going to take forever!" shouted up one of the people in the orchestra pit, dressed from head to toe in a orange boiler suit. "We're not going to have a play to preform today if you go on the way you're going!"

"Murdoch!" snapped Edward. "We have to do things a certain way! This way, everyone-" He stopped. "Oh to hell with it." He raised his voice. "Does anyone here know if there's anyone off!"

Silence for a moment.

"Pretty sure that Belle and Flynn aren't going to make it til the show." called out a Scottish woman wearing a dark green coat, as it was rather cold in the part she was sitting in.

"Oh great. The one time we could actually use their help and they're nowhere to be found!" Edward sighed. "Thanks Emily. Anyone else? I can't see the Skarloey crew anywhere."

"Zey're off at ze mines." helpfully piped up a french teenager with a dark blue jacket and red trousers.

"But there are no mines!"

"Zat's why zey're there. Getting laid off!"

"Oh dear god." Montague, dressed in safety officer green, facepalmed. "On the plus side, the mine won't be collapsing any time soon."

There was a rumble.

"What was that?" asked Donald.

"Earthquake in China?" suggested Molly.

"No, I actually think that was the mine...collapsing." Oliver, Montague's partner in all things safety inspecting, glanced over to him. "Any time soon meaning right this moment?"

"Hey! It's not my fault they were using gunpowder to try and get that slate! Owen and that sleepy git Merrick should have been focusing more!" Duck rolled his eyes. "Besides, I'm not the only one in this town supposed to be checking how safe these things are!"

"AHEM!" Everyone turned to look at Edward. "We can assign blame later. Now, anyone else...no? Then let's start! Uh, couple of announcements first. I'd like to say that the dressing room for the men needs to be reconstructed somewhat, so for the moment, you should dress in the wings."

"How did it break?" called out a girl dressed entirely in pink.

"Well Rosie, it's a long and funny story. To cut it short, someone threw a party last night." Edward glared at James. "He knows who he is."

"It was Arthur!" James pointed at his cameraman, who looked in annoyance at the sequin sucker.

"Okay, okay, let's not get carried away. Second of all...costumes. Daisy apologizes for the lateness, but apparently she had some personal stuff to do." Edward paused to let the gossiping murmurs die down. "Yes, obviously we wish her the best-"

"We do?" Percy asked loudly. Thomas elbowed him in the side.

"Oh, let's see...uh, one last quick note, I've been instructed to inform you that Greasy Scruff's Burger Van will not be providing our sustenance for the next couple of days, because it exploded in mysterious and unexplained circumstances."

Everyone paused, and then turned to look at a pair of sandy haired youngsters.

"Eh, why you lookin at us? Ben, I think they think we did it!"

"The nerve Bill!"

"Timothy, keep them under your eye." A man in a dark blue pinstriped suit saluted. "Right, and last but by no means least, we have a new arrival here! He was supposed to be joining the Tidmouth Minstrels, but his papers got mixed up and so, rather than fix that issue, we have ourselves a new intern!"

"So who did we lose?"

"Hector."

"No loss." Henry muttered.

"So, please give a very big warm welcome to...Ryan!"

Ryan, short, and wearing a purple shirt with the words 'Disposable' on it, walked out awkwardly. Very few people did anything. "Uh...hi?"

"Morning Ryan!" said Edward, his chipperness refusing to be destroyed by the lack of enthusiasm. "Sorry to drop you in at the deep end, but-"

"Hang on, is that why we're all wearing name tags!?" called out Montague.

Edward repressed a eye roll. "Yes Ducky! We're wearing name tags to help the newbie, because do you realize how many of us there are!?"

"I'M NOT DUCKY." screamed Duck. "That was a terrible nickname in high school and it's even worse here."

"Well tough, Mr Duck." said a old man hobbling out on a cane. "They call me Toad, and trust me, it sticks." He turned. "A letter from your brother, Mr Oliver."

"Thank you Toad." Oliver placed it in his pocket. "I'll ignore it later." Toad rolled his eyes and walked off.

"Now, Ryan, your jobs are pretty basic. Someone gives you a shout, help them out with whatever it is. Now, do you have any questions?"

"A couple." Ryan shrugged. "The agency didn't say much when I got here." He looked around. "What play are you doing?"

"Peter Pan! I'll get you a copy of the script later." Edward leaned back. "I wanted to do Snow White personally. But then I got vetoed." He glared at James, who stuck his tongue out. "Any other questions?"

"...How long do I have to stay for?"

"He wants to get out already." Emily laughed. "Smart man!"

"Basically, it's from 9:00 til 6:00. That okay?" Ryan nodded. "Good, any more questions?" He shook his head. "Good, all right, I'll be here if you need any help." Edward turned to the cast. "All right lads!" He got to his feet. "Let's do this-"

The floor gave way from under him and he fell through.

There was a pause, and then everyone leaned in. Edward's voice calmly rose up. "Can someone get Jack to check the boards again?"

Ryan frowned. He had clearly let himself in for something odd.


	2. Chapter 2: Going to the Dogs

"Okay, thanks very much Jack." A red clothed workman grunted and walked off. "All righty then, uh, we're going to run through the play from the start. So, uh, give me a minute." Edward sat on a chair, and glanced at the script. "Right, okay, quiet please! And...let's go."

There was a pause. And then Edward spoke. " _The night nursery of the Darling family, which is the scene of our opening Act, is at the top of a rather depressed street in Bloomsbury. We have a right to place it where we will, and the reason Bloomsbury is chosen is that Mr. Roget once lived there. So did we in days when his_ Thesaurus _was our only companion in London; and we whom he has helped to wend our way through life have always wanted to pay him a little compliment. The Darlings therefore lived in Bloomsbury._

 _That is what we call the Darling house, but you may dump it down anywhere you like, and if you think it was your house you are very probably right. It wanders about London looking for anybody in need of it, like the little house in the Never Land."_ He waved his hand and got off the stage, sitting down in the seat. "All right, that's your cue!"

There was silence. Edward looked baffled and shouted again. "THAT'S YOUR CUE!" Nothing, so Edward got up, held up his finger to indicate a slight pause, and stormed off into the wings.

Ryan frowned, and leaned forward. "Who was he playing?"

"Oh, Edward's playing the author. J.M Barrie." Molly said softly. "He, um, wrote some rather funny notes in the play for the actors. And he thought it would help perhaps to create a sense of mood and atmosphere to start it off."

"It's not bad." Ryan admitted. "So, uh, what are we-"

"AH HA!" came the crow of Edward. He dragged the unfortunate Timothy out by the ear from the right wing. "Are you deaf or something?!"

"I don't want to be the dog!"

"Timothy, I understand that no one wants to be the dog-"

"We could have got a actual dog!"

"We did have a actual dog. A very well trained dog...sure she was a Dalmatian instead of the specifically requested one in the play...but she was a dog! And do you remember what happened to that dog?" He pointed to the two twins, giggling off in the wings. "Those two oiks gave it chocolate! It was sick everywhere, we nearly got sued and I had to go and clean James's shoes for him!"

"I could hardly be seen out in public!" scoffed James from the wings.

"All right! Let's get back to it." Edward hopped off the stage. "Enter Nana." Timothy groaned, lay down on the ground and began acting like a dog. Edward nodded as Timothy turned to the stage. "Enter Micheal!"

There was a silence.

"I said-" coughed Edward. "-enter Micheal!"

"Do I ave too?"

"Millie!"

"Fine!" Millie stomped out, got on Timothy's back and sighed. "I won't go to bed, I won't, I won't. Nana, it eesn't six o'clock yet. Two minutes more, please, one minute more? Nana, I won't be bathed, I tell you I will not be bathed." She said all this with her French accent becoming more and more prominent throughout this rant.

"All right, good, could you maybe...be a bit less French?" Millie gave a look at Edward. "All right, all right, stupid remark."

"Why is she Micheal? Isn't he usually a...he?"

"We had to improvise. No one else is that short." Molly had raised her voice to a whisper at that point, so as not to alert Millie to the comment about her height.

"Okay, okay okay!" Edward sighed. "Mrs Darling?" A tallish woman wearing typical casual clothing of a pink and white kind pokes her head out and waves. "Thank god! Right, Caitlin, come in, and act as though this-" He waved vaguely at the background. "-is actually set up. Fingers crossed guys-" he said loudly. "-The Pack and Health'N'Safety'll have the set up by the dress rehearsal." He stopped. "Okay, go!"

Caitlin walked in slowly, smiling to herself and glancing curiously in the direction that Millie and Timothy supposedly went off in. She looked around and moved over to a cardboard box with the word 'WINDOUGH' on it. Clearly, some kid hadn't learned how to spell yet. "Who are you?" Pause. "I...i could have sworn-" She turned. "John! Wendy!" Two voices answered back and she sighed.

"She's good." Ryan muttered in a impressed manner.

"She's really good!" agreed Molly. She looked at Edward as he leaned forward, pencil in mouth, interested in the subtle workings of Caitlin's performance. He shook himself and read aloud. "Enter John and Wendy."

After a brief pause, Rosie and Percy walked on. Percy seemed to have comically large glasses on for some reason.

Edward leaned back and turned to Molly. "A bit sorry that Wilson couldn't play it. I mean he has those great glasses and he can see through them."

"I know." Molly said soothingly. "But it'll work."

Edward grinned. "Thanks Moll." He turned back, as the two of them were in the midst of a comedy bit.

"I am happy to acquaint you, Mr. Darling, you are now a father." spoke Rosie.

"Boy or girl?"

"Girl."

"Tuts."

"You horrid-"

"Go on."

"I am happy to acquaint you, Mr. Darling, you are again a father."

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy." Percy grinned. "Mummy, it's hateful of him."

"I keep thinking we should cut this bit." Edward murmured to no one in particular. "Ryan?" Ryan started a bit, he had almost been lulled to sleep.

"Uh, well...it does drag on a bit."

"Hmmm, true." Edward frowned. "Ah, if it doesn't work in the dress, we'll cut it."

Millie walked back on. "Now John! Ave me!"

A lot of very immature sniggering started from both sets of the wings, and it was clear that Rosie was trying not to burst out laughing herself. Percy frowned, still not sure of the gag even after the number of times they had rehearsed it. Edward, meanwhile, massaged his temples.

"All right!" He looked up. "Everyone, have me-" More immature sniggering. "Is CUT!" Boos greeted that. "And boo to you!" Edward gestured to continue. "From Darling's entrance!"

"I didn't know Molly was in the play." Millie said innocently.

Edward turned bright red, and Molly slowly lowered herself to the floor. "R-R- GORDON!"

Enter Gordon, grinning wildly. He glanced at Caitlin, who blushed, an rushed around. "Oh here you are Mary!"

"What is the matter, George dear?"

"Matter! This tie, it will not tie. Not round my neck. Round the bed-post, oh yes; twenty times have I made it up round the bed-post, but round my neck, oh dear no; begs to be excused" Edward nodded, making more notes. The conversation from there on seemed mostly to go as planned. Save that Millie still looked a little too large to be the age that she was supposed to be, which Edward admitted could not be helped.

It was round about the time, in the play, that Mrs Darling was talking about the face at the window, that Ryan looked up to see a gesture from someone backstage. He looked around to Molly, who was watching Edward, and Edward, who was watching the play while ever so slightly glancing back to Molly, and mouthed "Me?". The figure nodded, and Ryan got up and slowly made his way forward.

As soon as he entered the wings, he was struck by two things. One, that the wing clearly needed some sort of cleaning up, as it looked like a hurricane had vomited up what had once been a nice area and had left it there.

The second was that a rather old woman was standing there, looking curiously at him.

He coughed. "Uh, yes?"

"You're the new boy, are you?" Ryan paused, thought and then nodded. "Good. Sorry to call you unannounced, but there's a little problem." She paused, and then laughed self-deprecatingly. "Silly me, forgot to introduce meself! I'm Henrietta, I'm technically one of the ticket collectors."

"Ryan, pleased to meet you. What's the prob?"

Henrietta wet her lips. "Better if I show you, pet."

...

"What the-" Ryan stared as a older man and the one known as James appeared to be in the middle of a argument.

"That's my husband. Toby is the valet see, so he needed to move James's car, and he accidentally scraped it." Henrietta shrugged. "Escalated on there. If you could stop the fight-"

"Before your husband gets hurt?"

"Before James gets hurt." James walked forward to the old man, who was dressed in a brown faded uniform. Ryan shrugged and walked up.

"Hey. James was it?" James glanced around at the smaller one "Think Edward needs you to get ready for the pirate scene."

James sighed. "You are LUCKY!" He snapped in a slightly camp way. "That I am needed elsewhere on else I would-"

"I get it, I get it." muttered Toby. " James smirked and flounced off. Toby turned to Ryan and smiled. It was a genuine one, one that seemed to be rather constantly cheerful. "Another minute or so and then I'd have to use m'training. Thanks mate. Toby's the name."

"Oh, Ryan." Ryan frowned. "Training?"

"Ex-policeman." Toby sighed. "Gave that up when I was twenty. Anyway, just here to see how the play's going on." He turned to Henrietta. "Hello m'dear!"

"Glad to see you didn't kill him."

"Restraint's still there!" Toby laughed. "Thanks Ryan, see you in there, aye?"

"Sure."

...

Ryan re-entered and sat back down. Molly glanced back curiously, but said nothing.

There was a sudden smack of flesh meeting wood, and Peter Pan moaned in pain. Thomas sat up and rubbed his head. "Is the window prop bigger?"

"I certainly hope so." muttered Edward. He coughed. "You all right Thomas?" Reluctantly, the lead nodded. "Okay, and...continue!" As Thomas read his lines, with Emily playing the role of Tinkerbell, he began to chew on his pencil slightly more frequently.

"Wendy,. don't withdraw. I can't help crowing, Wendy, when I'm pleased with myself. Wendy, one girl is worth more than twenty boys."

"Awwww." Molly said under her breath. Edward seemed to be laughing somewhat.

"Because I heard father and mother talking of what I was to be when I became a man. I want always to be a little boy and to have fun; so I ran away to Kensington Gardens and lived a long time among the fairies."

"You know fairies, Peter!"

"Yes, but they are nearly all dead now. You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every new baby is born its first laugh becomes a fairy. So there ought to be one fairy for every boy or girl- Can we skip this part?"

Edward frowned. "Why?

"We do know our lines off by heart." Rosie offered.

"Oh really? Next four lines."

"Ought to be? Isn't there? Poor things! Peter, you don't mean to tell me that there is a fairy in this room! I hear—the only sound I hear is like a tinkle of bells."

Edward shrugged. "Fine. Well done." He sighed. "Okay, okay, we'll skip this bit and go to...Lost Boys!" He looked around. "Lost Boys!"

There was a pause of a slight reluctance to get in, and then out walked Duck, Oliver, Bill, Bell and Arthur.

"Oh great, Luke's not here. Fine! Just pretend he's there, and I'll read his lines" He looked around. "All right, pirates, get ready for your cue!" He tapped his pencil once, a signal to the cast. "Has Peter come back yet, Slightly?"

Duck looked put out. "No, Toodles, noooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOH!"

That elongated screech came from Duck's foot touching another rather loose board and falling into the rotted wood. Oliver, ever the conscious health and safety officer, started laughing.

Edward glanced over. "Monty! You okay?" He was greeted with a selection of curses. "Okay, clearly not." Edward looked around. "Ryan, there's a medical section in the right wings! Go and get...someone."

"Ach well." Donald, dressed in pirate mode, walked out and patted Duck on the back. "It's not right."

"Excuse me!" James walked out, sulkingly. "Where's my cuUUEEEEEEEE!"

Edward stared. "How much rotten wood is this stage!?" He wiped his head with his notepad. "Early lunch! And to make sure that there's no more accidents, we'll come back and do a roundtable reading!" He turned to Molly. "Once those two boobs check out, want to pop back to the house for a bit?"

Molly turned pink. "Uh, uh of course."

Edward looked down, his face flushing. "Ah, well, good."

Off the side, Millie elbowed Timothy. "See! Worse jobs than being the dog!"


	3. Chapter 3: Wonky Table Leg

"Garcon! Your finest table please!"

The bartender, a burly man dressed entirely in a grey-green attire that looked as though he had bathed in liquidated peas, glared at the flippant Thomas. "You get the corner seat with the wonky table leg and like it."

Thomas wasn't fazed. "So kind, Cranky!" He gave a mock bow and lead several of the Players over to said corner seat. The table leg was indeed wonky, and seemed to be held up by a mass of sellotape and good intentions. Along with Thomas was Percy, Rosie, Henry, Oliver, Donald, Douglas and Ryan, who had been dragged along by the first person who had happened to grab him.

A youngish woman walked over, smiling. "Evening boys! And Rosie. What can I get for you?"

"Hiya Mavis!" Rosie waved. "Our usual please."

"And for Ryan?" Thomas turned.

Ryan shrugged. "Uh, whatever he's having?" He pointed at Thomas, who laughed.

"Sure! Coming up!" As she walked back to the bar, she turned back around. "So, how are rehersals going?"

"James and Duck have already injured themselves. The stage is falling apart." Henry shrugged. "So usual."

Mavis frowned. "Are they okay? Did Vic and Kevin get to take a look?"

"Yes, of course they're fine. James wouldn't let himself die that undignified. No, if he dies, it'll be looking like Liberace if he really decided to go all out!" Oliver's joke seemed to hit home with the Scottish twins, who both began laughing themselves silly.

"Oh, Ryan, of course, you haven't met Mavis, have you?" Rosie turned. "Mavis Ryan, Ryan Mavis!"

"Are you in the play too?"

"She's Tiger Lily!" Henry leaned back, accidentally knocking the table leg and sending the table swiveling. "ACK!" He threw himself forward and grabbed it in place. He opened his eyes and sighed in relief. "Yeah, she's not a official member, but she's good enough to help us out."

Mavis smiled. "Are you just buttering me up to get a discount?"

"ME! No!" Henry laughed. "But uh, twins, you're paying."

"We are NOT!" said both of them in unison.

"Eh, I'm with these two on that. I think Ryan should pay." Oliver shrugged. "New kid's gotta pay."

"Why, what did he do to you?"

"Wha- No, I mean money." Oliver sighed. "Ye gods Percy."

Mavis handed them the drinks and sat down. "I'll take the money later." She leaned forward. "I'll be coming back with you after this, Porter's taking over my next shift."

"Trust me, it's probably not worth it." Rosie sipped her drink. "We're doing a round table reading because of the stage. We don't have any props and our costumes are late." She leaned across to Thomas. "On the plus side, me and Thomas get to have some quality time to ourselves!"

Thomas began to sweat.

"So, does this sort of thing happen often?" Ryan asked as he pulled out his wallet.

"All the frigging time mate." Donald leaned back on the chair. "Ah remember one time, we were doing Cinderella!"

"Emily was tha lead." Douglas put in.

"Aye, and one of the guys we got in was rae spiteful! He wass supposed to be a wee porter, but he insisted that he play the main role. Even James was annoyed, and trust me, that's a hard task. Anyway, we got to the performance, and this guy comes out and rants."

"And there's kids there remember." Henry noted. "He had been drinking quite a bit. And just when you think that we can get him out of the door without too much fuss...down comes the light."

"I still have NO idea how that happened." protested Oliver.

"I read about that." Ryan frowned. "The guy went to hospital."

"Uh huh. Never came back again." Thomas slowly moved away from Rosie, who seemed not to notice. "Anyway, jury said that Murdoch didn't do it, so we all just moved on with our lives. There was another time where we did Robinson Crusoe. And before we even got to the shipwrecking scene, this newbie called Skiff brings the whole shebang onto us!"

Ryan turned slightly pale. Mavis noticed this. "But most times, we just get bad reviews. Things don't usually blow up on us."

"Apart from James!" Rosie smirked.

"OI! YOU!"

Henry turned. "Oh, hey Duncan! Hey Oliver-"

But Oliver had vanished.

...

Edward looked at Victor, the main medical man of the theater. "How are they?"

"My friend, they will be fine! Duck's leg will need a little bit of healing time, but James will be fine."

"Oh typical. The one I need for the entire play is injured but the one I just need to get shot in the head is perfect!" Edward sighed. "Sorry Victor. Thanks for coming out."

"No problem. Kevin! Come on!"

"Coming boss!" His sidekick Kevin headed back towards the office. Edward glanced over at the two men, both of whom were looking happy as they could possbily be in a situation such as this.

"Don't leave me on my own with HIM!" they said at the same time.

Edward shrugged. "Sorry boys, me and Molly are heading back to Tidmouth House to take our lunch break. Fingers crossed, Toby'll be back with your lunch orders soon. Ta ta!"

...

Edward sighed as he sat back in the car. Molly awkwardly squeezed his hand. "You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh perhaps when we've had a drink or so..." Edward shook his head. "Thank god someone else is doing the show next year. Don't know if I could take all the stress."

"You're doing great." Molly said shyly. Edward beamed warmly, and she focused solely on the steering wheel as she blushed. "Anyway, things'll turn out okay. They always do."

"...Perhaps." Edward massaged his head. "Just that I'm feeling more and more like it's not meant to be, you know." He looked up, looked from side to side. "When we get in, let me show you something I got this morning."

Molly raised her eyebrow. The pulled into a relatively nice boarding house, run by a tall muscular man named Bocco, who had made sure that his house was cleaned repeatedly and looked respectable.

"Afternoon Bocco!"

"Afternoon Edward, Miss Molly." Bocco continued cleaning the front desk as both of them headed into Edward's room. His room was, in itself, pretty clean, it a little disorganized by most standards. Edward dived down and looked around.

"Now where...Ah ha!" Edward pulled out a letter. "Take a looksee."

Molly frowned and opened it. "Dear Edward." She read aloud. "I am so very happy to receive your letter after so long. I was beginning to wonder that you had forgotten to pay up, or that James was trying to use Statford to commit fraud of some kind."

"Sad thing is I'm not entirely sure he wouldn't."

Molly continued. "I am looking forward to seeing your performance of Pan, especially because I am coming to the opening night to watch you. This is your chance to prove that you can manage a show like this. If you pull it off, I will be very impressed. Signed, Sir Topham Hatt." Molly lowered the paper. "So, you didn't mention this today because?"

"Because if I do, everyone will panic. I can remember that one time that Henry tried to direct a play. He told everyone that Topham was coming to see them, and the all dried up. It was painful!" Edward shrugged. "But I can trust you because...well, you're pretty trust-able."

"That is the nicest thing someone's said to me."

"Well it shouldn't be because you deserve to have nice things said to you." Edward shrugged. "Ah, where are my manners? Take a seat, I'll put something on the TV!"

...

James glared at Duck. "This is your fault."

"How?"

"I'll figure it out if you give me a minute." The door swung open harshly, smacking into the wall and removing any of the glass that was still left in there. "Oh look, it's Tweedledee!"

Oliver raced in. "MONTY! WE NEED TO GET OUT, THE MINERS ARE-"

"Eh up boyo!"

Both safety officers tensed. They turned and beamed. "Hello Skarloey!" said Monty. "How are you today?


	4. Chapter 4: Ropes like Silly Putty

"Okay, welcome back guys! Copies of the script out please and- Oh, hello Skarloey!"

The short miner with the red outfit on nodded to Edward. "How do Edward." He and six other men of his height were surrounding Duck and glaring at him. Edward shrugged it off, he was pretty sure that even if they were going to hurt Duck, they'd make a pig's ear of it. Each person was dressed in a different color. Skarloey's brother, Rheanes, who resembled Skarloey but slightly taller and leaner was in vermillion.

Besides him and glaring hatefully at Duck was Sir Falcon Handel, a retired gentleman who had hit rich somewhat and had legally changed his first name to sir, and he was wearing a dark blue getup. Holding him back, and looking remarkably friendly for what looked like a mob shakedown, was Peter Samuels, a green clothed man with a casual look about him. To the left, and looking like he would rather be anywhere than where he was at present was Rusty, a chap whose orange skin was a result of pigemntation problems.

Looking incredibly enthusiastic (The yellow jacket could never be misconstrued as a cowardly outfit) and ready to gut someone open was Duncan, a rather bloodthirsty Scot who would have more than likely become a serial killer if not for the fortunate happening that he had little in the way of common sense. His minder, a old grey war horse named Freddie, was fearless in how effortlessly he dealt with him.

And finally, sitting down quiet as a lamb was their young charge, Luke, waiting cheerfully for his role in the play.

Duck smiled. It was a smile that suggested that he would rather not be making it, and was only doing so because if he didn't Duncan would more than likely break his teeth. "Ah, Edward! Great to see you! We were just negotiating."

"Now Skarloey." Edward said in what he hoped sounded like a reasonable voice. "You know that Duck didn't do it deliberately."

"He cost us our bloody mine!" snapped Duncan.

"And I'm sure he is very sorry for it, aren't you Ducky?"

"Very sorry!" said Duck honestly.

"And I'm sure he'll be more than happy to pay up, won't he?"

Duck was silent.

"Won't you?" Edward's voice carried a undercurrent of threat to it, and Duck reluctantly nodded. "You see! Everyone's a winner!"

Skarloey sighed. "Come on boyos, let's go and see if that pub is still open."

"Tell Cranky that Henry sent you!" called up a voice from the back. "He'll know what I mean."

As the seven trudged out, Molly smiled warmly at Luke. "I'll get you a copy of the script?"

"Thank you mam." came the soft Irish brogue.

Gordon frowned. "What was that about Henry?"

"Oh-" Henry looked somewhat embarrassed. "It's nothing. Forget about it...really, forget about it!" Gordon frowned but said nothing else as Caitlin entered, followed by her twin brother and protector, Colin. The two eyed each other suspiciously, before Caitlin walked over and lightly punched Gordon on the back.

"So do you get hostage situations often?" Ryan asked. "I merely ask...just a question of safety."

"Oh only so often." Edward frowned. "They're nice chaps really, I'm pretty decent friends with them. It's just that they tend to get rather hot blooded and angry when things go...pear shaped."

"And how often is this?"

"Let's not talk about specifics."

...

The rest of the first day of rehersal's went along rather well, to be fair. Most of the other cast members seemed to be cast pretty damn well in their roles, and it was clearly that some of them were having a great deal of fun. Emily, though not having much to do as Tinkerbell with just the readthrough, was rather decent as the sulky and tempestous fairy. Mavis popped over, and sharing looks with Millie, portrayed a fairly decent Tiger Lily, which seemed to have been cut down significantly from the old script for fear it would offend any people of the Native American persuasion. Not that there were many.

Ryan had thought Gordon a bit of a blowhard throughout the day, but there was no doubt that when it came to Captain Hook, there was only one man in the company that could play him. He captured both the devious intent of the character mixed in with some of the more foppish and comedic elements that had become more and more popular. He and Toby, who played Smee, worked off each other wonderfully. The rest of the pirates were throwing themselves into the role, and it was clear that Henry was relishing his role as Gentleman Sharky.

There were a few sour notes however. First of all, James was furious, more so than the morning. It had finally come to his attention that he had not gotten a major role in the play, in fact he only seemed to be playing one character, Scarlet Morgan.

"I don't get it!" he raged in diva mode. "I should be the star! Can you really think of anyone else who could play Peter Pan with the elegance, the skill, the boyish charm as I have!"

"James, you're twenty six. Thomas is nineteen."

"SO IT'S AGEISM IS IT!?" James raged. "I'll have you!"

"James, it's not ageism...Peter Pan is a role that requires a lot of complicated wiring, maneuvering and other such jiggery pokery...you're terrified of heights."

"Semantics!"

"James, let's assume for the moment that I would cast you as Peter Pan. The first bloody chorus of You Can Fly, You Can Fly, you'd be stone cold out in five seconds flat and I'd have to awkwardly explain to the many people coming to see us why it was that Peter Pan had to hobble around on the ground for the next two acts!" Edward took a deep breath. "No, you're Scarlet Morgan and you get killed off. That gives you a perfect chance to make a impression and then you can go off and rest your feet until the curtain call."

James subsided, though still sulky. But Edward's stress was not yet done, as Victor suffered a minor nervous breakdown over the ropes.

"How often have you tested the ropes out my friend?" he asked quietly to Edward.

"Oh, lots of times. No, when casting Thomas, I had to make sure he was up for it, and he was! He hasn't practised for the last two days or so due to...well, due to things beyond our control, but after I dismiss most of the cast, me and Molly and old Harold will go through it with him."

"Well, as long as you're sure."

Eventually, they realized it was getting late, and they called it a night.

"Right, good luck chaps, have a nice sleep, and remember, your costumes shall be arriving tomorrow!" Edward smiled and turned back to Ryan. "Ah, Ryan, how's the first day been?"

"...Unique."

"Funny, just what Stanley said."

"Stanley? ...Whose Stanley?"

"Oh he was a intern a while back, but he took part time job with us. Actually, do you have a place you're staying?"

Ryan laughed awkwardly. "Heh. Not exactly."

"Then...Rosie! Can you give Ryan a hand in finding him a room at Tidmouth House? I'd do it meself but Thomas needs some instruction on things."

"Course. Come on then fresh meat!" Rosie cheerfully tugged Ryan off, and waving goodbye, Edward closed the door behind him. He let out a huge sigh of relief, and practically deflated. Before Harold, a elderly former Air Warden, could see the expression on his face he snapped back up into cheery director mode.

...

Cranky was letting loose with his tongue. "-AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE STATE THE BAR WAS IN THE SECOND THAT BLOODY SCOTSMAN GOT IN THERE! He threw three of my regulars out and nearly gave Porter a black eye! If he had I would have been sued for sure! Handel and Samuels got so bloody drunk we had to shove them in the cellar! I daren't trust any cabby with them lot! Why'd you send them over to me anyhow!?"

"Now now." Henry said cheerfully. "Calm yourself, old chum...I've got you a bit of business. These miners, they'll be looking for a drink every so ofte now that htey've lost their main source of income. All of the money is coming out of my bank account, so it's rather bottomless."

"And that's another thing! Don't you dare blackmail me! I'm a upstanding citizen!"

"An upstanding citizen who sells deliberately watered down beer to certain people we won't name, discriminates against nearly everyone and took at least twenty boxes of fish that are past their sell by date." Henry said with a straight face. "Now, which one sounds true? Because all of them do to me."

"Damn you!"

"Already am." Henry beamed. "Now, about those boxes of crisps-"

"I ain't got none!"

"Well, Z-Stacks aren't going to like that-"

"They're round the back!"

...

Rosie opened the nearest door and clicked the light on. "It's not much, but hey, it's home." She looked around and chuckled. "Oh wow, this one's better than mine at least."

Ryan's room was rather pleasant, to be honest. Judging by the state of the theater he had assumed that nearly everything in this town was close to collapsing or had already collapsed and was slow in updating them. "Oh, this is nice! Thank you!" He sat down on the bed and coughed. "So, er, you and Thomas...going steady?"

"Oh!" Rosie blushed. "I suppose so, yeah!" She grinned slightly. "We've been doing this for about six months now, and he still hasn't officially confirmed it."

"You mean-"

"We're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet." Rosie's smile faltered somewhat. "But we must be technically, right? I mean, he would have told me, wouldn't have let me get my hopes up, right?"

"Right." Ryan felt as though he had wandered into a soap opera halfway through.

Rosie shrugged it off. "Sorry, jawing away at your ear! I'll let you relax! Ta!"

As the door closed, Ryan leaned back and sighed.

...

"Statford, you can't be serious. You just can't be! But I haven't invested at all! I haven't spent it on anything extravagant, or costly, I've just been buying groceries, fuel, all the normal stuff! How did it- You'll get on it?" Edward paused, turning whiter and whiter. "Ah...so for me to have any money at all after this, I need to...right."

Edward placed the phone down carefully and took a long sigh of weariness.

And then the roof caved in.

As he struggled up from underneath the plaster and wood, Edward stared in complete shock at Thomas's stunned expression staring down at him. "Wha-THOMAS?! WHAT?! HOW?!"

Storming out of the orchestra pit, one of the few places you could actually get a signal, oddly enough, Edward didn't a double take. "God in heaven! What happened to all those ropes!?"

"Well chap, silly thing is that there's been a dashed problem with the ropes. Still haven't got them properly fixed yet and so-" Harold mimed a falling Thomas.

"You promised me-"

"I know old chap, by tomorrow I shall have new ropes!"

"You better Harold! You just bloody better!" Edward groaned. "Oh, damn ropes are like silly putty, we've got James doing a revolt, there's a mob war apparently going on! Why didn't I just follow pa into the family circus!? I'm practically in one already!"

"Well you've got the facepaint for it." Molly weakly offered.

There are times when you had to laugh. This was one such time.


	5. Chapter 5: Change of Scenery

The next day 'dawned' with a murky grey sky and very sour actors stumbling in, looking depressed and concerned. For it was that day that all feared aside from the main performance.

Dress rehearsal.

Edward wasn't looking much better, and all he had to wear was some old clothes found in a attic that roughly resembled a Edwardian (No pun intended) gentleman's uniform. It smelt like the previous owner had died in it and he was constantly struggling to remove many mothballs from it. Molly had done her best, but it still occasionally coughed up dust whenever he wanted to get something out of his pocket.

So you can imagine the joy on their faces when they arrived to see Daisy, the costume maker who was so drenched in make up that it looked as though she had tripped into a vat of cosmetics, pulling a long rack of costumes.

...

"I look like a fire engine that somehow gained legs." Gordon said, voice carrying loathing mixed in with apathy. It was not a unfair description, perhaps not helped by the fact that his hat apparently one been a firemna's hat repainted and adding a skull and crossbones to it.

James growled. "THAT COSTUME SHOULD BE MINE!"

"Okay James, calm down." Rosie fixed her pink nightgown up. "Well Thomas, how do I look?" She twirled around, and was slightly discomfited to note that Thomas was more interested in his reflection.

"You look great, Rosie." Ryan offered weakly as he looked around.

"You looking for the sets?" Henry asked as he fidgeted with his bandana, which was so long that it looked like it was just a table cloth painted black. Henry was under the impression that it was a table cloth painted black, for the simple reason that the paint clearly hadn't dried and was now dripping down his forehead. "They're outside if you want to help."

There was a loud bang, and everyone immediately turned their attention to the car park. At the gates, three massive lorries were jammed together, the source of the crash becoming apparent by the large chunk taken out of the middle lorry. The three drivers had gotten out and were now storming over towards the theater looking furious.

"Ere! We want a word with you lot!"

"Bar the door!" gasped James. "Call security! The National Guard! Ray Winstone! I don't care who, just call them!"

"SECURITY!"

There was a pause, and Edward sighed. "Oh right. The strike."

"What strike?"

Edward looked up. "Apparently, our security team think they aren't paid enough. So...strike."

The lorry drivers had now reached the door leading to the wings. The first one, nicknamed Smash, growled. "You need to have a word with the person who designed that entrance ramp. Before I have one for you."

"Can I help you, Mr Smash?" inquired Edward coolly.

The second driver, name of Broken, smiled. It was unpleasant to say the least, not just because of the lack of teeth. "We want our money. We brought your horrible painted garbage to ya."

"Certainly." Edward looked to the side. "I'm pretty sure Madge has the accounts somewhere-"

He suddenly found himself off the ground and facing the third of the Brothers Grimm. This one, Sunk, was so nicknamed for two reasons. The first was that he had briefly served as a navy officer. The second, because that's what he did to people he disliked. The fact that he was also the tallest of the three didn't hurt his case. "Plus the insurance." he snarled.

"Let him go." Gordon said wearily. "It's not like it was his fault."

"Wrong answer." Smash pulled out what appeared to be a switchblade. "Now, give us the money or-" He pointed to Sunk. "Show em."

Sunk grinned, and pulled his fist back. He frowned, tilted his head as if to contemplate something and then fell over face first. The other two looked back to see Toby casually stretching his fingers.

"What did you just do?!"

"Trade secret, I'm afraid." Toby smiled genially. "Now, I know your mothers...and your fathers. And I'd really hate it if you, er, failed to turn up on time. So here's what you should probably do-"

Edward groaned as he pulled himself from out of Sunk's unconscious body. "Ugh."

Smash saw his chance. He rushed forward, switchblade in hand, and was promptly stopped mid rush by Ryan, who had slipped away in the chaos, whacking him over the back of the head with one of the wing mirrors.

Broken looked from side to side.

"We'll pay you money owed for our services." Molly said softly. "But the insurance is something you'll have to cover between yourselves."

None of the drivers were in any fit state to negotiate. They grimly agreed, and soon headed off towards the lorries.

"What was that?" Ryan voiced at last.

"Well, see, budget cuts mean that we've had to hire outside of the company to get things done." Edward shook his head as he steered Ryan away from the door. "Thanks Toby." The old man nodded and headed off to check out his costume more. "See Ryan, the company used to have it's own set builders and shifters. Unfortunately, things didn't go so well one night and, well...we have to rely on lorry drivers nowadays."

"Are they always that rude?"

"Those three are, sure. But mostly they're okay. They just don't...get it." Edward sighed. "Right, guys, if you're not busy, can we start rehearsals?"

"Not so fast!"

"Oh, god, not this guy again." muttered Gordon.

A man dressed nearly entirely in black, with a imitation Stalin moustache and a air of severe smugness about him stepped into the decrepit old theater.

"Oh this person." Victor sighed. "Mr Daysiel, what do you want?"

"Who is he?" asked Ryan to Rosie.

"Oh him? He's Council Inspector Daysiel. He basically goes around sticking his nose in where it's not appreciated and then mouthing off to the council about getting rid of old and less useful things."

Daysiel smiled. Ryan was reminded of a crocodile, albeit a very weedy crocodile that needed to talk his way out problems. "Now now, no need for such hostility, boys. I just come to give you advanced warning."

"Of what?" Edward demanded.

"Why, the imminent closure of the theater of course."

A loud of chorus of "WHAT?!" greeted this. Edward stared. "I'm sorry Daysiel, that's funny because I haven't recieved a single telephone call about it, and thus I think you're-"

The telephone rang.

"See, that's why it's an advance warning."

Edward looked at Daysiel with barely hidden contempt, then walked quickly to the office. Daysiel surveyed the rest of the troupe, all looking angrily at him. "Well now, no need to get so angry. I'm just doing my job."

"You needn't take so much glee in it." Percy remarked.

"Well, if you don't laugh, you cry." Daysiel's smirk widened. "Nice to see you about Rosie. Didn't think a girl of your type hung about with such people."

Either way it was meant, it was a insult, and soon there was a large number of people holding back Thomas and Percy from personally going down there and smacking Daysiel's smug smile off his face. Rosie meanwhile had ignored him, as Edward came back out, white as a sheet.

"It's...It's true." He said sadly.

"What?!"

"I know, I know. Sir Topham's on his way, apparently."

"See!" crowed Daysiel. "I told you! Now, get out of this rotting dump before I have to use my official power to-"

No one knew who threw the first punch. Actually, that was a lie, but it's what they told the officials when Daysiel, eyes blackened and lip bleeding, made a accusation. Soon, the theater was swarming with health inspectors.

"Don't suppose you know anything about this, Duck?" asked Edward as they sat on the wall opposite the parking garage.

"Nope." Duck shook his head. "Even if I was actually talking to my supervisors, I don't think I'd have enough clearance."

"What were the charges again?" Ryan asked as a mournful silence fell over the group.

"Apparently it's a unsafe work environment." Edward sighed. "Which, to be fair, is not a unfair accusation to make. All that palaver yesterday proved that at the very least, there's a problem in there. Just wish they could have waited until after the performance."

"Look on the bright side." Emily cut in, determined not to let the group fall back into depression. "If it had to happen, I would have a-rather preferred it to be like this than in the middle of tha show."

"Yeah." Henry said. "We don't need the bad publicity."

Edward was just about to agree wearily when the sound of a car drew his attention. There came a bright blue Rolls Royce that looked as though it had been polished only recently. Stepping out was Sir Topham Hatt. Edward jumped up, awkwardly tugging at his loose shirt. "Ah! Sir! Sorry about this sir, it was rather sprung on us!"

"Not to worry!" Hatt seemed not the least bit concerned. "It was me."

The actors were somewhat flummoxed.

...

Cranky looked somewhat angry at the appearance of Henry so soon. But he clammed up when Topham waved a massive wad of money in his direction. The group sat in the empty pub, scattered out. Edward, supported by Molly, sat near Gordon, Henry and James, while Thomas, Percy, Toby, Rosie and Mavis all gathered together in one of the corners. Ryan, Murdoch, Donald, Douglas, Duck and Oliver stood by Daisy as they ordered some drinks, and Emily led the rest to sit in any chair they fancied.

Hatt cleared his throat. "Now, I know that this will come as a bit of a shock to you. But the reason that I asked that the theater be fumigated and temporarily closed is actually because of...well, certain problems."

"Such as?" Timothy asked.

"Money problems, to be blunt." Hatt coughed. "I may have fed you a bit of a cock and bull story Edward. Point of the matter is that even if you had put on a show that Orson Welles would have found touching, it still wouldn't have been enough. I was in a lose-lose situation. This play backfires, and the theater closes. It's a success, and it barely makes a footnote."

This was a very sobering remark.

"Now." Hatt continued. "I have thought about what to do, and I have made the choice that for a month, the theater will be refurnished and made safer than ever. Meanwhile, you lucky lot..." He snapped his fingers, and his driver walked forward. "-are going on holiday."

In the silence that followed, his driver handed out a piece of paper to Edward. He squinted at the title. "Bluebell Camps? Where Happiness Flowers?" Edward frowned, tried to arrange his features into bemused gratitude and failed. "Uh...Sir, this is-"

"No need to thank me! It'll do you good to get out of the town for a bit! I have been told it is a very good camp indeed!" Hatt clearly expected some sort of thank you, so everyone sort of murmured how he was too kind. "I have enough tickets and money to pay for your journey. The bus'll be arriving in two days."

...

"So, what's the plan?"

"The plan?" Edward looked weary. He practically threw the phone at the wall, though luckily Emily was able to catch it. "Oh, the plan is that we go off and we have a fun, super-duper awesome happy go fun time!"

"You said fun twice." Murdoch said, tempting fate.

"BECAUSE THERE WILL BE TWICE AS MUCH FUN!" Edward seethed.

Molly put her hand on his shoulder. "The Pack's taking care of repairs, alongside Judy and Jerome. Victor and Kevin have to work, so they're not going. So far I've got down myself, Edward, Thomas, Percy, James, Gordon, Henry, Donald, Douglas, Oliver, Duck, Emily, Rosie and Ryan."

Ryan looked startled. "I get to come?"

"Of course! You're not getting away that easy!" Rosie laughed, and Ryan reluctantly smirked.

"So...I'm putting it out there. Anyone who wants to come, they can come."

"Oooh! Can we-"

"No." said everyone flatly. Bill and Ben glared at them.

"Which reminds me, I better get you back to your mum!" Timothy stood up, dusted off his jacket and sighed. "I'll come. I checked with Marion, she would come but...you know."

"Yeah." Edward groaned. "Good luck getting those two home."

...

In the end, Toby and Henrietta agreed to come along with Mavis. Murdoch, Daisy, Harvey and Arthur had arranged to head on the bus The Skarloey gang were supposedly heading on their own transport, taking Millie with them. Others coming included several people Ryan had yet to meet, including Sampson, Billy and the mysterious Stanley.

By the time the bus had arrived, confidence had returned to the group.

it would be misplaced.


	6. Chapter 6: Vomiting Up Neon

"So what do you know about Bluebell camps?"

Edward glanced at Molly, then back at the brochure. "Nothing much. There wasn't really anything on the Internet about them, just some basic information about this Stepney person."

"That's not usually a good sign." Molly sighed. "At the very least, we'll be able to get away from all of...this." She gestured to the outside, where Gordon was having to be held back by Henry, while a somewhat less confident Daysiel hid behind Bocco.

"Oh great Proteus in the sky, please tell me they're not fighting?"

"Uh, they're not fighting?" Molly smiled weakly. That, at the very least, got a rather reluctant chuckle out of Edward. He was about to get up when Henry dragged a rather angry Gordon onto the bus. The big man glared at his friend, then sat down and began to sulk.

"Trouble, Gordon?"

"Only trouble was that he decided he could come here and brag about it." Gordon growled.

"Well I have good news and bad news, Gordon." Oliver was looking out of the window. "Good news is, I can see Caitlin coming!"

Gordon grinned and pumped his fist in the air in joy.

"Bad news is...so's Conner."

Gordon went very, very pale. Ryan looked back and forth between the two men. "Dare I ask who Conner is? Is he bad?"

"He's a decent guy." Oliver quickly remarked. "It's just that...ah...he's Caitlin's brother." The silence seemed to be even more awkward, especially as both, rather athletic, twins rushed towards the bus.

"I got you good, slowpoke!"

"Bull! I totally beat you!" The two twins laughed gleefully. At last, the male looked up. "Hello all!" The greetings seemed genuine enough to Ryan.

"Hiya!" Caitlin quickly waved as she jumped up in the air, hit her head on the roof and winced. "Ow. Who put that roof there?" She paused, and in a much softer voice, murmured. "Hello Gordon."

"Ahem! Good morning Caitlin! Seat right here!" Gordon's grin faltered somewhat under the critical gaze of Conner, as his sister sat down next to him. Conner himself took up the closest seat to Caitlin, divided only by the aisle.

Sampson, a rather pompous stage hand, glanced around. "Is our driver going to get started?! Or is he one of those people?"

"Would you mind not being a judgemental-" Arthur's hiss was interrupted by the arrival of Statford, the electrical engineer of the theater. He waved politely, and then moved aside so as to let Toby, Henrietta and Mavis get up.

"Thanks, Statford." Toby tipped his hat and then frowned as Mavis hurried past him to sit next to Millie, all the way at the back. He was about to head up, when Henrietta tapped his shoulder and shook her head.

"How many people have we got left?" asked Donald.

Edward consulted his list. "According to this, we just have to wait for Billy, Stanley, Thomas and the bus driver, and then we're good to go."

"Do we haff ta wait for Billy?" Douglas asked, somewhat sadly. "Ah mean, no offence, but he's a prat."

"You called!?" Billy walked in. Ryan stared in slack-jawed amazement. To describe Billy was impossible, but an attempt could be made in saying that he looked as though the 70's had vomited repeatedly out all of it's neon power into one, single orange suit that was, in theory, attached to a man. He looked as though he was the amber traffic light, and that if he was on a road, people would actually slow down. He grinned cheerfully. "So, you fellas doing okay?"

"Oh. Just great." Edward said through gritted teeth. Billy was...how to describe Billy's personality? Well, he had been hired mostly as a way to warm up the crowd with some witty humor. His actual humor ranged from the best case scenario (Not funny) to the worst (Offensive. Not in the good way) and he tended to have a bit of a reputation as being quite difficult to work with.

Billy scanned the coach before heading up towards Rosie. Emily noticed this. "Aye! Billy!" As he turned, she shifted aside to let him sit by her. Rosie looked gratefully to her, while she looked as though she had made a pact to sit next to Charles Manson.

Thomas entered the bus quickly, looking somewhat annoyed to be there. He was followed by Stanley, a tall figure who looked around quickly, tried to find a seat he liked and failed. Sighing, he headed over towards Thomas, who was glaring at him with undisguised hatred.

"Here he comes!" called Henry, and at last, the bus driver got on.

"Good morning folks! I am Bertie the Bus!"

"The Bus?" muttered Rosie.

"I think it's like a Welsh thing. You know, Jones the Steam, Evans the Song, etc, etc." Toby explained.

...

Once the bus had pulled out of the town, things began to improve...somewhat. For starters, the mood was relatively decent, everyone kept as far away from Billy as possible and there had only been one fist fight so far. That fight, between Thomas and Stanley, had been broken up by Murdoch, so all was relatively well.

Until the second bus came along.

Bertie did a double take, as a fellow bus driver flipped him the bird. "Alfie! That son of a-" He swung the bus round, sending everyone flying all over the place. The other bus didn't take this lying down, and it swung back into the coach.

"BERTIE!" snarled Thomas. "CUT IT OUT!"

"OH GOD HE'S GONE BERSERK!" wailed Timothy. "I didn't want to die like this!"

Bertie grinned. "Ah, don't you worry yourselves! This is just a bit of friendly horsepla-" He was interrupted as his bus scraped against the other's. The jolt sent him face first into the steering wheel, knocking him. Everyone on the ground struggled to their feet, Rosie angrily punching Billy as he tried to grasp onto...something.

"Oh." groaned Henry. "Typical. Can anyone drive a bus?!"

...

The parking lot attendant watched in horror as a large bus, carrying a bunch of screaming people, veered into the service station and almost smashed a car into a tree. The driver rolled down the window, and grinned sheepishly.

"Er...we'll be here for half a hour? Can I not be charged, please?"

...

"Stupid bus driver and his stupid rivalry and I'm going to tear that other bus driver a new asshole once he drives up and-" Duck's mutterings, as the default bus driver who had been penalized, were ignored by most people as they very quickly hurried to the nearest cafe to get some much needed caffeine.

"Never again!" Edward gasped as he buried his face in the table.

"Can we just walk?!" begged Oliver.

"I promise I'll never mock bus drivers again." Sampson moaned in terror as he curled up on the floor.

"Ach, it was just like being back in the highlands!" Donald said fondly.

"Was it?" asked Douglas, who was not fond.

...

"Okay, girls, the reason I've called you here-"

"To ze women's toilet?" asked Millie, eyebrow raised. Not that she was complaining, especially when she was squeezed in next to Mavis. Emily and Molly tried hard not to smack into each other as Rosie stood on top of the toilet, making her grand speech.

"It was the only place I could think of!" defended Rosie.

"Is this important?"

Rosie looked uncomfortable. "Look...could you...maybe give me a hand in getting Billy to lay off me? I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm afraid he's going to start up that hitting on me routine he tried last time he came around and-"

"Say no more." Emily said. "Ah'll help, even if ah have ta do it alone."

"Not that you will!" Molly said with determination.

...

"Everyone back aboard the fun bus." Henry droned.

"I do believe yer're being sarcastic!" Conner laughed, not yet ground down by the pains of the journey.

"How can you tell?" Henry looked around, and then smiled. "Hey, tell you what, when we get to the camp, there'll probably be some pretty interesting people there. Maybe even some people we could er...sell to?"

Conner winked. "Gotcha." He handed Henry a bag of stolen ketchup packets. "Now, what you plan to do with them is something I would love to watch!" He frowned. "Hey, is that...Caitlin! Oi! Watch out!" He ran over and slapped Gordon.

"OW!"

"There was a bee on your face. There it is again!"

"OW!"

Edward frowned. "Where's Molly? And Rosie?"

"Here we are!" Molly grinned as she ran up. "Sorry we're late. We, er, had something to take care of." She turned her smile on Edward. "Listen, is it okay if maybe Billy swaps seats with me? Rosie wanted to talk to me about something."

Edward was about to protest, but the winning smile that Molly had on her face was too much. "Oh all right then. Quick, before he gets back."

"Thank you!" Molly paused. "I really appreciate it."

...

The bus ride was less eventful after that, though Edward wondered if his good deed was going to backfire on him, as Billy was constantly muttering things that, though he couldn't really make them out, sounded obscene to him.

"How much further?!" whined Percy.

"I was wondering that myself." Toby agreed. "It feels like we should be there by now."

Henry pulled out the map he had managed to get from the front desk. "Right, according to this, we're just ten minutes away from where we should turn off. The camp should be there, then."

There was a pause.

"Does anyone actually now what the camp looks like?" Ryan ventured at last.

"There's a sign, saying it's name. Once we see that, we're good." Edward looked around and swore. Billy was eyeing up Molly. And not in a polite way. He pulled him back. "For god's sake Billy! Could you try and put your tongue back in before you get slobber all over your vest?"

"Ah come on Eddie-"

"Call me that again and I'll-" Edward sighed, he knew threatening Billy was like threatening rubber.

"Eddie, buddy, you got to live a little! Besides, she likes it!"

"She doesn't. Neither does Rosie." Edward was on the verge of punching Billy, but then spotted the sign. "We're here!"

...

"All right! See you fellas in a few weeks!" Bertie smiled awkwardly. "You, er, won't tell anyone what I did, will you? I could lose my job over it."

Edward looked at the others. Most of them seemed ready to leave Bertie out to dry. Just then, Billy headed off towards the luggage, now fully unloaded. Edward frowned and tilted his head. Was that Rosie?

He shrugged. "Look, just get back here when you're told to, and then we'll consider it."

"Deal!" Bertie turned back, and quickly started up the engine. As he pulled away, Edward quick;y checked to make sure that everyone had their luggage with them. "Hang on, where's Billy?"

"He...er...decided to stay on the bus." Rosie nodded. "Yeah, he said thanks for the drive, but he's changed his mind."

"Where in the bus?"

"Um...in the luggage container?"

...

"LET ME OUT!"

Bertie frowned. He swore he heard someone. At which point, another bus came past and he was engaged in fighting it for the next few minutes.

...

"Uh huh." Edward was happy, but he wasn't about to show it. "Okay, never mind, let's just get to the camp and then we can focus more on actual things that actually matter."

"Who put you in charge?" James muttered rebelliously. But still, he picked up his luggage and joined with the rest of the congregation as they headed up.

The camp itself seemed to be located in a beautiful stretch of land. There was a good deal of grass all around, with a few woodland creatures staring and running out of the way of the trampling feet. There was also what appeared to be a lake not too far from them, which Edward immediately thought might be a nice place to relax in. In the distance, there was a small town, which was mostly hidden behind the hill.

"That must be where it is." he heard Toby remark to a tired Mavis.

At last, they reached the top of the hill. Everyone braced themselves to see the utter beauty of the camp.

There was a large, conspicuous gap where a main building should have been, and where instead a small hut was erected. There was also a couple of caravans that looked as though they had seen better days.

That was it.

There was a pause as everyone drank this in, and then James rushed towards the motorway. "TAKE ME WITH YOU!"


	7. Chapter 7: A Miserable Mystery Tour

From the main hut stepped a middle aged man dressed in faded golden clothes that looked as though they came off a rather seedy Las Vegas show. He smiled, somewhat cheerfully, though the hapless group couldn't help but notice the fact that his mouth was clearly arguing about whether or not smiling was a good idea. "Hello there! Welcome to Bluebell Camps! I bet you're shocked to see this!"

"I'm speechless." Edward said truthfully.

"My name is Stepney Stroudley, and I am the caretaker and main host of the...er..." Stepney gestured vaguely. "The, er, site. I bet you have a couple of questions."

"You could say that." Edward said, once again, completely honest.

"It's a dump." said Gordon with blunt honesty.

"Gordon!" Cailtin scolded.

"What? Back me up here guys!"

"It does look somewhat-" Thomas cast about for a word that wasn't insulting, failed to find one and decided to go with the first one he thought of. "-crap?"

Stepney sighed. "Well, you're not wrong. I'll be honest, I had dreams that probably were beyond my reach when I decided to set this place up, but even so, the stuff that's been going on here." He groaned. "Sorry, sorry. Look, the builders have been refusing to work here."

"Why?" James laughed. "You haven't got a dead body here, have you?"

"No no. It's just, er, some big shot back in the city has his eyes on the land. What was his name? It sounded like a number...Oh, it'll come back to me." Stepney shook himself. "But where are my manners? Come, come, let me show you around."

"Won't take too long." muttered Oliver.

"Now now, let's give Mr Stepney a chance, eh?" Privately Edward was beginning to think that Billy had been the lucky one. He'd probably get to go home and enjoy a nice piece of cake and a glass of something cool and fizzy, while they stayed in the midst of what looked like No Man's Land if you removed the barbed wire.

...

Elsewhere, Billy was being treated for a concussion, while Bertie was rapidly questioned by a police sergeant as the smoking grill of his bus let out of a cough and died a merciful death.

Which goes to prove something about karma. Whatever that is.

...

"All right, now this hut-" Stepney pointed at said hut. "-is my office. For lack of a better term."

"I've got a couple of terms for you."

"Calm yourself, Douglas." Edward took a very, very, VERY deep breath and smiled. "Right, of course. And if we need to discuss anything, we come in here?"

"Not exactly. There's only room for one person. Anymore and the whole thing comes crashing down, and it takes me about a hour to get it set back up again." Stepney rolled his eyes. "Contractors, am I right?"

"Oh yes." Edward coughed. "Uh, anything else we need to know about your office that might damage it?"

"Strong winds. It doesn't like strong winds." Stepney turned and gestured towards the caravans. "Now these are, I am sorry to say, will be where you are staying." He noticed the bleak looks and gave a half-hearted sigh. "I know, I'm sorry-"

"You keep saying that, but what are ya doing about it?" Emily snapped.

"Look, the original plan was to get together some talented carpenters and fix up a couple of wooden shacks. It wouldn't have been much, but-" Stepney shrugged once again. "Just not meant to be."

Edward walked forward and tried out the door. It didn't fall off. A good sign. He tried to ignore the sudden droning noise in his ear "These things look like they were built to last!" He said, trying desperately to keep morale above the water level. He glanced inside. "Not too bad in here! We could easily fit a group of us in here!" He tried to drown out the droning, now getting louder.

He stepped out and joined the group. "You put yourself down too much Stepney. I think it would be-" He groaned aloud at the noise, now sounding as though a swarm of bees were racing in his ear. "Can someone please stop that-"

There was a loud series of noises, and Edward turned just in time to see the source of the noise plow through the caravan he had just been standing at. He suddenly felt faint, and sat down.

Skarloey looked out of the car. "Oh! Hiya boyos! Sorry we were late, but we had to cut across the field so Duke didn't have to walk!" He smiled. "Where are we staying?"

"You just ran into it." Henry said, his voice making it very clear that, were it not for the lack of weapons to do so, he would have gladly shot everyone in the car and urinated on their corpses.

Edward was not the only one who needed a moment. Stepney walked away and was rather upset for the next ten minutes.

...

"Why don't we just go down to the village and see if they have any spare rooms for us in the hotel?"

This simple conclusion, brought about by Ryan after ten minutes of ranting, raving, arguments and the troupe coming very close to fisticuffs, silenced the group at once. He looked around in some shock. "What? It's just a thought."

"It's not that, it's actually a very clever idea." Rosie grinned. "I mean, that sad guy can still be our guide. We could even invite him!"

"Much as I am loathe to venture into the terrible rooms that the hotels around here keep-" snootily remarked James. "-I see no other choice."

"Come on then!" Arthur was the first to the door. He was the first to notice the rain. And he was the first to note the flood that blocked the village from the 'camp'. He shut the door. "We're not going out tonight."

The group returned to the in-fighting that they had been doing. Rosie smiled. "I still think it was a really good idea." She leaned forward and gave a quick little peck on Ryan's forehead.

The intern was flustered. Thomas hadn't noticed.

But Stanley had.

They would clearly be having words later.

...

"Knock knock."

Edward closed his eyes. "Who's there?"

"Molly."

"Molly who?"

"Molly doesn't have a good joke?"

Despite himself, Edward laughed. Maybe it was the fact that he was exhausted, or maybe because he had had such a bad day of not having much actual humor, but Molly made him genuinely smile. He stood up and pulled open the caravan door.

"I just wanted to check you were okay."

Edward smiled, but it didn't quite look convincing. "Oh I'm just perfect." He gestured to the caravan, which looked as though it had been put together by someone who had wanted to create a Picasso style art piece. "You know, I mean it was only fair of us to abandon the one perfectly functioning caravan for Stepney, especially considering that his hut just went sailing down the river a moment ago. And I know that Toby and Henrietta need this as well because they're old and ache a lot. Just...ah, I don't know."

"It'll be okay." Molly said encouragingly. "You'll see. Fingers crossed it'll be better in the morning. It's supposed to be a beautiful day." She saw Edward still wasn't convinced, and continued on. "We've got the lake, we've got the village, we've got some good room to run around in...we could be worse."

"You're right. We could be worse." Edward groaned. "Just..could you be around tomorrow to try and make sure I don't murder someone?"

"I can try. I won't promise if you try and murder James though."

"Oh, I don't want anyone holding me back if that's the case."

...

"Okay, this is all awkward and I know this sucks, but this is how we've got to- Duck, could you keep your shoulder there?" Duck glowered, and stopped still. "Right, good. That way, the wall won't collapse. Er, Rosie, if you could not rock the bed? Otherwise the floor will give way. And Gordon, just keep standing up, we don't want the roof to rain down plaster upon us all."

"This is ridiculous!" Gordon scoffed as he awkwardly held the roof together. "How are we expected to get any sleep at all?"

"Now now, it could be worse!"

"Shut up Percy!" screamed Henry, savvy about what happened when people said this.

There was a very light, very soft bump as the remains of Stepney's hut smacked into the caravan. Everyone froze. No one moved. At last, the caravan stopped swaying on the verge of rolling down the hill, and everyone let out a breath of relief.

"We've swapped one crumbling dump for another. Happy holidays." moaned Henry.

"Goodnight all!" Edward reached out and turned out the light.

As everyone settled down, Gordon moved his arm to scratch his leg. About ten minutes worth of rainwater came splashing down onto Edward, Gordon and a very hapless Thomas who had been trying to keep the kitchen floor from falling to bits.

The caravan began to roll gently down the hill.

"Oh shit." remarked Ryan, to no one in particular.


	8. Chapter 8: Sans Make Up, Sans Everything

Dawn broke over the camp like a plate over a man's head. Messily, loudly and with no good humor to be found on the part of the victims.

Stepney opened the caravan door and took a deep, deep breath. He glanced back. Toby and Henrietta were only just finishing eating up their breakfast, while Toad was trying to get some feeling back into his arms. They had been rather good company, despite how much he had clearly let them down.

He glanced over to the other caravan.

Or rather, where the other caravan should have been.

He glanced around, confused. The old car was still there, the sounds of Skarloey and his group snoring away emitting from it. And it was then that Stepney noticed the wet tracks left upon the ground, heading towards a rather nasty dip.

He hurried out, ignoring the surprised responses from those in his own caravan. He rushed to the edge of the dip and stared down.

The caravan was, for lack of a better term, crumpled. Impressively, despite all that it had gone on the previous day, it somehow managed to look even worse than it had when Stepney had last saw it.

"Stepney! At last!"

Stepney frowned. He couldn't see anyone. Cautiously he got on his hands and knees and crawled forward. He peered down, and there, just at the bottom of the dip, sat Gordon. Just Gordon. "Gordon, was it? Are you-"

"No! No I am NOT!" Gordon's face was purple with rage. And it was hard not to see why. He was sitting in mud. A lot of mud. The rain had only made things worse apparently, and now it coated his clothes and his face.

"Are you hurt?"

"Only my PRIDE!"

"Where are the others?!"

"Sod them! Look at my trousers! LOOK AT THEM! WEEP!"

...

Elsewhere, in the middle of a makeshift river, the remnants of the caravan were currently tossing and turning on the water like eggs in a blender. Sitting atop the roof were the wet occupants.

"Well-" remarked James "-we could have cut out the middle man completely and just bought a canal boat."

"James." remarked Edward, his voice indicating that it was entirely possible that James would find himself off the makeshift boat any second now.

"So, how far do you reckon we are from the campsite?" remarked Ryan, trying to keep the peace.

"Not far enough." growled Oliver.

...

Their night had been a unpleasant one. After the caravan had started rolling away, they had all been very conscious of the fact that they had to get out. They had tried levering the door open, only for the hinges to decide at the worst possible time that actually, they quite wanted to stay attached, thank you very much. Then they had tried to squeeze out of the windows, which had no glass in them after the Skarloey's had plowed through it.

This had proven somewhat problematic when it turned out that the average waist size necessary for getting out of the enclosed window was about the size of a model who had been airbrushed down to the very last detail.

"Well, this is a fine mess." Gordon tilted his head and frowned. "So, who do you think we should send?"

"Not you, fatface." Henry said cheerfully, or as cheerfully as one could be in the situation.

"What cheek!"

In the end, after much arguing and cursing, it was decided that Percy would be thrown- I mean, lowered, out of the window in a vain attempt to get help. Percy had no say in this of course, as the four biggest of the group just grabbed him as he waited and began to shove him face first through the window.

"Oh for god's sake Percy! Cut back on the cakes next time!" Henry glanced at his watch. "Ah great. We've missed Bake-Off. I'll never know if Mary Berry was satisfied with those soggy bottoms or not!"

"Damn your soggy bottoms!" Murdoch glared anxiously at the large amount of rain. "Knowing our luck, we'll be dealing with a flood!"

"Oh stand aside!" Gordon stormed back over, having decided to make sure that Caitlin was, er, safe. Definitely not trying to get one last snog in before they died. No siree. "Now, see, the thing is-" He lightly tapped Percy on the back. A light tap by Gordon was the equivalent of being shoved around by Terry Crews, so Percy practically shot out of the window "-it's all about how you use it."

"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHELP!" wailed Percy, his fingers just about clinging onto the window frame as they approached the ditch. Gordon leaned out and smiled in what he hoped was a sympathetic way.

"Sorry Perce! Look, just go back and tell Stepney! It'll be-"

He was rudely interrupted when a tree branch smacked him across the face, knocking him out of the window and taking a large portion of the surrounding wall with him. With every bump down the ditch, Gordon let out another roar of expletives.

"Well!" Percy cheerfully jumped back in through the hole. "There's korma for you!"

"Kor- That's a curry. You mean karma."

"Korma's a dish, not curry."

"Oh really-"

"THOMAS! STANLEY! FOCUS!" Emily looked out to the ditch, where Gordon was currently fighting the greatest enemy he had ever fought. Mud stains. "Right, so we've stopped! Why don't we just go outside and-"

"Slight problem with that, Ems."

Everyone turned to look at Samson, who was staring in stunned horror at a miniature Niagara Falls rushing towards the caravan.

"BRACE FOR IMPACT!"

...

Which brings us back to the present. Everyone was sitting atop the caravan, save for Percy, who was currently treading water back down below.

"EDWARD! CAN I COME UP YET?!"

Edward glanced to Daisy, the costume designer who had remained remarkably quiet up until now. "Well? Can he?"

"Have you found my make-up yet?!"

"...Yes?"

"Liar."

"Well, have you seen what's happening down here?! It's like-"

"Hang on, I think I see a bank coming up!" Ryan stood up. "Should we-"

"Jump!?" Oliver was horrified. "Are you kidding?!"

"Well, look at it this way, it's either swim or sink."

As if on cue, the caravan let out a mighty groan of frustration, as the weight finally began to take it's toll on it. Already weakened from the car crash the day before, it slowly began to slowly sink beneath the water.

"I think we'll take swim!"

...

Stepney, having left Gordon to make his own way out of the mud that now caked him head to toe, followed the newly formed river and the bits of floating debris that were tangled among the weeds. "God damn it, god damn it, god damn it, god damn it, GOD DAMN ITTTTTTT!"

"God's got a lot of damning to do." remarked Rusty, the only member of the Skarloey gang that had bothered to come and look.

"Can you see anything?"

"Just...hang on, I can see a mighty fellowship!"

The fellowship were some of the wettest guests ever seen in recorded history. Henry supported Molly, Donald and Douglas carried a rather bedraggled Oliver between them, Duck collapsed and began coughing up some weeds he had accidentally inhaled and Thomas dropped Rosie flat on her face as he bent over to get a breather.

"You're okay!"

"Er...jury's out on that one." Henry glanced back. "Here come Conner and Caitlin. Don't suppose you've seen Gordon, have you?"

"Currently having a mudbath."

"Ah. He'll love that then."

The twins brought a shivering Mavis with them, with Arthur, Timothy Murdoch and a very, very annoyed Samson bringing up the rear.

"Looking good!" remarked Henry. "Still got the, er, wares?"

Conner grinned. "As if I'd forget!" He looked back. "Now where the hell are-" He was rudely interrupted as Daisy hurried over, her hands all of a flutter. "There you are! Safe as houses!"

"Sans make-up!" she wailed. "Sans EVERYTHING!"

"You're overreacting."

"Wait, where is Percy?"

"CLEAR THE WAY!" Stafford waddled up, his eyes bulging at the sheer weight he had to carry, before he collapsed with Percy pinning him down. The latter was a bit blue in the face, and then spent the next three minutes coughing up the river water. Stafford wasn't doing so hot either, but being a accountant/electrical engineer was a hard life that didn't allow him to build up many muscles.

"I'm the Duck, aren't I?" mocked Ducky, before discovering a slug had decided that Duck's face was his new home. His screams could be heard all the way in Belgium. The others looked back, just in time to see James hurrying over.

"You got off with surprisingly little drama." remarked Henry, suspiciously.

"Henry, I am a mature and thoughtful man. If I was nearly as manipulative and drama-causing as you think I was, surely I would have been pushing aside all the helpless women and children to get onto the land? Have you no heart? Have you no consideration for-"

"James pushed Edward off and used him as a stepping stone." informed Emily as she hurried up, letting Millie and Harvey take a breather. "Stanley and Ryan are giving him a hand."

Everyone glared at James.

"What? I was not about to get these Armani's wet!"

...

"Oh deeeeaaaar, what can the matter be?! Johnny's so long at the-"

"There we go, Edward." Ryan patted him on the back affectionately, trying not to knock over their leader, who was now dazed and surprised at a great many things. "Let's just get you up."

As they waded through the water, Stanley looked Ryan directly in the eye. "I know, by the way."

"What?" Ryan turned angrily. "Okay, since you got here, you've been nothing but cold and stand-offish to me. What did I ever do to you?! Did I hurt you in nursery or something?"

"I saw Rosie kiss you."

"Wha-" Ryan stopped, letting Edward fall flat on his face into the bank. "Okay, one, she kissed me on the cheek! The cheek! Secondly, you were horrible to me even before that, so that can't be it! And three, have you seen how Thomas tends to treat Rosie?"

"Oh he can be a stubborn son of a bitch sometimes." Stanley had also let go of Edward. "But at the same time, she's with him. I don't want you coming between them."

"Oh really!? Really Stanley? Why are you on the moral high ground?"

"I've been where you are before, Ryan. The new darling boy coming in fresh and excited to work! And then Thomas starts eyeing you up as competition. He does that a lot. Even when you're really trying, if he thinks you're competing with him for anything, anything at all, he will fight you. You don't win. You never win. I'm saving you the trouble. Stay away from Rosie."

"Do you speak for her, now?"

"He promised he'd buy me a fairing should please me, And then for a kiss, oh! he vowed he would tease me!"

Both men froze, and then turned to look back and the river, and the suspiciously Edward like figure that was now taking the waves like a surfboard ridden by a amateur surfer. "OH BALLS!" They shouted in unison, and ran back into the water.

...

"Owwwww-"

"Hold still! Yer're fidgeting like a bloody child, man!" Emily was busy very carefully checking Edward for any signs of a full on concussion. "Doesn't seem to be any problems, but I still recommend that ye take it easy for tha rest of the day."

Blankets had been distributed amongst the group, who were now all shivering repeatedly and trying hard not to snap at the next people who asked them anything. Stepney had brought them breakfast at last.

"I didn't see a mess hall around here." remarked Henry as he tucked in.

"OH no, there isn't. But Duncan reccomended a local meals on wheels owner to me."

"Who was that?"

"Greasy Scruff!"

Henry put down his plate. "You know what, I'm not hungry any more.

"Hi Gordon!"

Gordon, caked with mud, glared at James, who was sitting smugly in the corner, sans blanket and looking relatively unscathed from the entire night's escapades.

A large dollop of mud to the face soon put paid to that.


End file.
